Congress is about to possibly pass a bill called CISPA (or PIPA/SOPA: The Revenge), that will allow companies like Google, Twitter & Facebook to share your information with other companies, the private sector and the government, and with civilian agencies like the Department of Homeland Security, in event of cyber attack. The authors of the bill say that CISPA that the bill is dealing mostly with the 1’s & 0’s, meaning hacking. If that is case then why is the private sector and businesses getting access to Individual Personal Information? But the problem is also the vague terminology such as “threat to the integrity” and “exposing a vulnerability”, they use in the bill. They can share your personal information if they feel like you’ve crossed them on them on those unclear, cloudy terms. This bill creates more leeway for organizations like the DHS & NSA to collect more information about the American people and makes us more transparent and takes privacy out back and shoots it in the face.
Last year this bill was introduced as SOPA & PIPA, but the authors of CISPA say it’s different. Last year the bill was vetoed because it “effectively treats domestic cyber security as an intelligence activity and thus, significantly departs from longstanding efforts to treat the Internet and cyberspace as civilian spheres.” Meaning, that it’s easier to get access to people’s personal information (via blog or social media) if the government or the private sector doesn’t like what you are saying about them. This has not changed in CISPA. CISPA does put more regulation on the government but not on the private sector, an issue we had last year! This is seems like Rep. Rogers (R-Michigan) & Rep. Ruppersberger (D-Maryland), the authors, are treating this bill like a drunk that kicked out of his bar and tries come back in with funny hats! You’re not fooling anyone, pal, we know who it is. The problem wasn’t the hats, it’s that you took your junk in the bar and tried to measure it using a shot glass. The point being some things are meant to be private, like people’s private information, drunk people’s junk. Internet Freedom is the pants of Society, I think…I’m not really sure where that metaphor really meant, but in either case, CISPA and Drunk people’s Junk are not welcome. There is a positive to this, we can use this bill to track down anyone who leaves a snarky YouTube comment and expose who they are and where their mom’s basement is located and declare your vengeance for not liking your cat video!
Since CISPA is so broad and has little definition of what the restrictions are or even where the government can take the information it gains access to, it creates a failure in individuals’ privacy and stifles free speech. If they’d want to they can even steal your identity and become you! This will create some strange dystopian future for all of us, where we don’t do anything on the Internet and fear reigns supreme. We’ll start an underground movement of journalers and diary writers that tell us what is happening with the world, passing these books like drugs. Eventually due to the lack of Internet porn and frustrated activists, chaos will reign in anti-CISPA movements and guerilla warfares. Eventually things will get so bad that we will be in the same world as the book/movie, The Road! Or it could be a little be less creepy and just turn out like 1984 or V for Vendetta.
If you look at who wrote the bill, Rep. Rogers & Rep. Ruppersberger, they look like the 2 guys who kept saying the Internet was a fad for the last 10 years. They probably all the 30-something Representatives laugh at them and throw pudding in their face. So CISPA isn’t really about Government Security either, it’s really about these old men to prove to House Bullies that they were right and the Internet was a Fad and if this bill doesn’t pass, we’ll live the world of the Matrix. Let’s be fair, who doesn’t want to live the world of the Matrix? If Keanu did it then we all can. So if you care about your privacy on the Internet, your freedoms, or hated the movie the Road or loved the Matrix, say “Hell No” to CISPA, and “Hell Yes” to Internet Freedoms & Privacy. No means No, Representatives!
UPDATE: On April 18th, 2013, CISPA passed through the House floor. Despite threats from the President to veto and actions against the bill, it made it through the House floor and is on its way to the Senate. This bill is a threat to not just privacy but also the Freedoms granted to us by the First Amendment. Let’s hope it doesn’t pass through the Senate and is blocked. The Senate must act like your a-hole friend who tries to cockblock you at the bar every time you hit on a girl. This is the only time it’s appropriate to the be a cockblock.
UPDATE 2: The Senate has declined the bill and CISPA has been put to rest. Thanks to everyone who stood up this bill. This bill stood against the first amendment, and I’m glad to it’s gone!
Krish Mohan is a socially conscious, Indian standup comedian and writer who regularly tours the country. He performs at small theaters, bars, comedy clubs, colleges, DIY and house venues. With his quirky attitude, charming personality, and intelligent humor, Krish captivates and engages audiences of all backgrounds, tackling hot button topics like race, religion, war, immigration, while adding an optimistic, philosophical & sociological twist!