Plights of the Gays

Since it’s pride week, I’d like to share a little story. I dated a Jewish Girl, who’s first boyfriend turned out to be gay. Now he didn’t break up with her because he came out but the signs existed. For one, they met in theater class in high school. I don’t think any straight man has taken theater classes to pick up girls, although maybe we should, it seems to have a decent track record. Now, I’m not going to learn the credits to Casablanca and Singing in the Rain to get a girl. At most I would sing a James Blunt or Taylor Swift number in the middle of the cafeteria and see who crawls out of the chicken nugget section singing the second verse.

This gentlemen didn’t break up with my now Jewish Ex, by coming out of the closet. He came out claiming he didn’t want to be Jewish and thus had to end this relationship. What the hell? I’m at a cross roads here, because I’m not sure who this is more damning to, the Gays or the Jews. And upon reflection, in the last few letters of this sentence, I’m going with the Jews. Because they’ve been through so much, with Egypt, WW2, having a sequel made to their book and Florida. They shouldn’t have to take on the fight of the Gays. They don’t need a Republican coming out and saying “If there’s glass broken at the end of your wedding, your wedding is null and void in the consecutive 48 states!”

The Plight of the Gays does take another challenge and this comes from a former enemy of the Jews as well, Russia. “Wait Krish, when were Russians enemies of the Jews? Aren’t Jewish Russians?” Yes, but you forget the WW2 they sided with Hitler and hence now have made enemies with the Jews. Transitive Property. Russia has passed a bill to say that children cannot learn about homosexuality and that Gay Propaganda is prohibited! Right, like they can’t just learn about this from the Internet in Russia…Okay bad example there. The Homosexuals in Russia have been blamed for, among other things, the low birth rates by various Anti-Gay groups. It’s Russia! Have you tried having sex in the cold? It’s not that great of easy. Sometimes the only thing that warms you up is the warmth from a man’s chest muscles, after he’s done about 30 reps on the bench!

So what’s the plan then? Ok here it is, the Jews, Indians and Gays start a revolt against this bill in Russia. While the Ruskies are dealing with the rebellion it’ll be a front to get the internet installed in the every home in Russia, that shouldn’t take too long. Then we flood the kids as many Gay related TV and Pop Culture references we can. From Mr. Smithers, to Broadway Musicals to How to make Raspberry Mocha Coffee Drinks. That’ll show those Russians. Alright, hands in guys. AND….BREAK!