Green Card for Jesus

Evangelical groups in Orlando are coming together in solidarity for Immigrants in this country to be granted Amnesty! What now, Republicans!? Many of these Christians and Baptists are realizing that there are people close to them that are being affected they immigration issue and they are consulting their Bibles and Priests about what to do. Perhaps this is the Evangelicals finally realizing that Jesus was a foreigner too and wasn’t really a Blond Hair Blue Eyed gentleman with a perfectly trimmed beard. Although being that he was Jesus had powers he could probably trim his beard with a thought. Let’s be honest though, if the rapture does come in the next few years, it’ll be highly delayed because Jesus would be caught up in immigration and then when he does get here the INS will get on his case for working illegally, then he’ll be deported and have to file to get H-4 Work Visa, and that is going to take a while. Meanwhile, all those who are waiting to get raptured get screwed over and can’t get into heaven! Damn it all to…nothing!

Much like the “Gang of 8” the Evangelicals have joined forces to create the “Evangelical Immigration Table”. And much like the Knights of the Round Table, these Armor wearing heads of Churches ride through the night taking down every snaggle-toothed Lobbyist pushing to bury this issue with their board green swords of amnesty and justice.

The most amazing thing about this is that this movement has actually got Marco Rubio to back on the side of this bill. Saying, “Faith-based leaders help remind us that we are dealing with real human beings here with God-given Dignity” That’s a beautiful sentiment, but you know what else makes them real human beings? The fact that they are real human beings!! Mexicans and other immigrants aren’t coming in from the Matrix. Unless, wait is that what this bill is against? Matrix Immigrants? Are there Matrix immigrants? Holy crap, in that case don’t let those guys in! If there is a cyber revolution, I don’t think we can depend on Keanu to help us out in this case!

Regardless of whether Matrix Immigrants are real or not, this is a big deal that an organization with a big pull in the Republican views are taking this stance. Now, lets get them start taking stances on more important issue like Same-Sex Marriage, Women’s Rights and the fact that Count Chocula is the best cereal ever created.