Jealousy over Turkey Day & Hanukah

Thanksgiving and Hanukah are celebrated together this year! That’s right, there will not only be candied yams, cranberry sauce and a Turkey on the table this year, but also some Latkes and Blintzes that join in on the overeating fun!

But all is not well. There are several other holidays who wanted in on the Thanksgiving fun.

I’ve been barking up the Thanksgiving train for years now!” says Santa Claus, “I mean, I’ve got the shopping moved up to 6pm ON Thanksgiving! Do you know how hard I had to work for that? It took me years! Like 10 of them! If anything I deserve this spot more than Hanukah! The list has been checked and I only need to check it once for the whatever the mascot for Hanukah is.

I feel like I’m a solid match for Thanksgiving,” says The Easter Bunny, “They got the main course, I provide the desert. It’s simple. Sure my day is not anywhere near Thanksgiving and that Turkey, but come on. Easter 2 should be linked in with Thanksgiving.

I’m a hero. I should be linked in with Thanksgiving! I should even get 2 servings of Turkey if I choose! I’m goddam hero!” says Army Joe, “Sure people ask me, what gifts do they give you for Veteran’s Day and I look at them and say, ‘I’m a goddam hero, I get what I want!’ Hence forth I should have my holiday linked with Turkey Day and we prune juice and raisin whiskey for dessert! That’ll put some hair on your chest!