SCOTUS, more like SCROTUS…Am I Right?

Commentary by Comedian Krish Mohan

In lieu of the Supreme Court approving Hobby Lobby and all religious based companies to deny contraception coverage because of their religious beliefs; here are all the other things that these companies now have to follow according to the bible. If you’re going to deny certain freedoms, and use the bible as your excuse you can’t cherry pick what you follow and don’t.

According to Leviticus, slavery is cool as long as they are foreigners. So if Hobby Lobby has any immigrants on staff, they can’t get paid to work. There goes all the diversity and in this day and age that just makes you racist.

If you work at Hobby Lobby you’d better not even thinking about cheating on your spouse. If you do, the executives will to kill you and your spouse. So if you want bang that 19 year old that’s been giving you the eyes, you quit Hobby Lobby and go work at Michaels.

Kids who are unruly must be put to death. Which is counterproductive, because it’s usually parents with unruly kids are the ones who scrapbook the most, in order to forget their unruly kids. So if those kids are killed then there goes your target demographic. But this does explain all the cannibalism the bible has to offer.

No mixing of fabrics or mediums is allowed. Well there goes the store. Looks like that’s more business for Michaels.

No haircuts are allowed in the kingdom of God. That means that tight corporate cut is against what the Lord wants. That also means women in the store are going to au-natural. So maybe if you’re shallow enough you may not want to band the 19 year old that’s makin’ eyes at you.