The First Break-Up

Commentary by Comedian Krish Mohan

The very first relationship I was in was when I was in High School and I was actually the person that ended that relationship. This always comes as a shock to people considering I’m a lanky nerdy kid now and back in High School all of those traits were amplified. This is probably started my affinity to date white girls and start my mission to turn the world beige. Now this relationship ended when this girl I was dating went to my best friend at the time and said she wanted to see other people, but not break up with me. This was a nice sentiment as she gave a disclaimer to cheat on me.

Now being my friend, he told me what happened and as a young 15 year old kid that was drenched in angst and unstable emotion I didn’t really know what to do. I went home and I was crying, I was horny (mostly because when your 15 your always horny) so I’m masturbating; so I Crysturbated. This was the one and only time I did, so there shouldn’t be any judgments from anyone! Besides I was 15 and seemed like it was a good idea at the time.

After this emotional fun fest I had playing every emo-punk pop CD in my collection, I decided to confront this girl and end the relationship. When I had that conversation I did on a Monday morning which is best time to break up with anyone. You not only ruin that person’s day but every other person they come into contact with. It’s like a domino effect of hate that just keeps going. It’s like the movie “Pay it Forward” but without the positivity or Jim Caviezel. But I decided to bring my best into the break up. I kept pointing at him and saying “He told me what you’re going to do!” Immediately he was looking for a way out like he was in Scooby Doo cartoon escaping from a villain. For some reason that friendship continued to keep going.

After dating me she dated the whitest guy on the planet. This guy was so white I also dated him. He was like his own night-light. She basically dated the anti Krish Mohan. Figures.