The Club Scene

Commentary by Comedian Krish Mohan

I’ve always felt like an Old Soul. I never really felt fully comfortable with the social activities that people my age participated in. I find myself using the phrase “Goddam Kids” more and more everyday at the age of 25. Even in college I never wanted to go into raves or dance clubs. That mentality hasn’t changed much in the past few years. I personally don’t understand the culture behind it. One goes into a dance club, listens to music that is way to loud and is only bass, speaks to no one (especially the girl that you are dancing with), order drinks that are way to expensive and take way to long to order, then you walk out and go to another establishment and start that process all over again!

But I’m mostly astounded by the people that are in these places to act like a fool. These are people who have important jobs, vote and make the important decisions that affect our daily lives! It horrified me to think that the man clapping his hands to the beat of the song, will eventually put up a building and his explanation for why the building is structurally unsound is because he didn’t want to compromise the Acoustics of the new Kanye album to resonate throughout the building. But I have to think there is a young man out there, named Raul, sipping coffee and designing a school, while listening to Pearl Jam, hoping that one day Jeremy will speaking in class.

The girl doing body shots at the bar is a pre-med student that won’t stop telling people around her, “Pour me more shots! I can take it, I have 2 livers!” Meanwhile there’s a young lady named Alieah that is sippin’ coffee trying to pass her MCAT to find a cure for Alcohol Poisoning that her friends are definitely going to get in the future.

I’ve even met a teacher a the Club. They shouldn’t be at a Club, they should be figuring out how to get the youth of America to pay more attention in school and enjoy learning. Kids of today don’t need a lesson in twerking but in Algebra. This country is 19th in math. I’m pretty the Czech Republic is beating us in solving for ‘x’.

But there is a solution to all of this. If you make a conscious decision to enter the club scene when you leave you have to answer a few questions; 1 basic trivia question, 1 math problem and 1 question from the citizenship exam. If you can answer at least 2 of 3 questions correctly, then you can leave and rejoin society. If not then you can stay in the club and dance off your stupidity. There are exceptions to this rule of course and it’s old janitor that is back of the bar, quietly sipping his beer to the tune of ‘Even Flow’ and muttering “Goddam Kids!” under his breath.