The New World according to Affirmative Consent

Commentary by Comedian Krish Mohan

The days of the 80’s movie where Molly Ringwald is pressure into sex by her high school boyfriend is over! Thanks to Affirmative Consent there is a clear line and definition for what is Sexual Assault and what isn’t. The new law from California says that both people in the sexual encounter need to say yes clearly and be fully conscious and not under the influence of drugs or alcohol. This is putting to rest all the cliché excuses by guys about when try to have sex with a girl.

Well she wouldn’t be dressed that way if she didn’t want to do in the back of my car.
Wait a second, when did clothing mean you want to have sex? Isn’t it the lack of clothing that determines whether or not you want to have sex?

Well she was doing shots with me all night!
So will an alcoholic but that doesn’t mean he likes you and it definitely doesn’t mean he wants to see you naked in the morning. Although, that would be a sobering moment for any alcoholic.

She was giving the flirty eyes!
That’s just called blinking.

This new law really defines what is sexual assault and what isn’t.

If your partner is tripping in your room…on nothing, because of the 8th Jagerbomb they’ve had, that’s sexual assault. But if they’ve been drinking a glass of that Spanish Wine and says they wants to be with you after a nice dinner, Affirmative Consent.

If the person you were with is hiding in a Macy’s pretending to be a manikin and pounces on your and drags you into a changing room, that’s definitely sexual assault. Also stalking and mental instability. But if they say they want to rip that cheap Macy’s hoodie and those Target jeans you got on sale of your body, that’s Affirmative Consent.

Although, the term “Let’s Fuck” is a gray area still.

But the question to be asked is, where are we as a society that we need to define this what is considered sexual assault vs. consent. We’ve hit this point where there is a major pressure on sex and how much sex you’re having. Societies have crumbled because of people weren’t getting laid enough. Wars were started because some girl said no. Countless movies have been made that revolve around the idea of losing one’s virginity. As animals we have this innate need to spread our DNA around as fast and as much as we need to, but in reality, we’re overpopulating the world so we should probably cool with telling people that they need to be having sex more.

This is going to change the way relationships are going to be approached in the future. Since everyone is worried about miscommunication that could be considered sexual assault, people will just be more direct about things. Men can come over to women and say “I like your body and just want to have sex. You up for it?” and the answer is no, then they can move on to the next one in line. There will be a steady decline in romance. Girls don’t get to play coy when it comes to the bedroom. They get to tell you exactly what they want, when they want it.

I’m gonna miss those days of the pursuit, and having the will they, won’t they sitcom romance. I guess the harsh realities of the real world it is. What I’m really trying to say let’s not forget the classic romances of the 80s & 90s and how good of a show “Friends” was.