The Last White Rhino On Earth

Commentary by Comedian Krish Mohan

We are down to 1 one male White Rhino in the world. The poaching and killing of Rhinos for it’s horn is based on a myth. It’s the same as material as hair and fingernails. It is said that in China it has medicinal purposes even though it’s not made of any special materials. If that has medicinal properties, there a ton of nervous people who chew on their finger nails that should be immortal by now. In countries in Asia and the subcontinent of India, it’s used to medicinal purposes to cure a cold, gout, and more. Now I can how in the old days that would be logical. A tiny elephant who’s got a hard sharp trunk? Of course it’s got magical properties in it! But we have modern medicines today that don’t involve the killing of any animal…well maybe like a rat or two but bang like crazy and get the population up in no time.

The poaching of Rhinos leave them mutilated and their faces get infected and lets not forget their chances of mating are now slim to none. If killing or mutilating a rhino is legal then scalping should be just fine by that same standards. You see someone with a beautiful head of hair, instead of finding out what product they are using, you just remove that whole part of their head and wear it like a fedora. Makes sense right? Excessive you say? That’s basically what the Rhinos think of humans taking their horns. We must look so stupid to other animals.

You mean that thing that we use to crave graffiti into trees? That makes no sense? You know I use this to pick bugs and roots from the ground too, right? You’re using this as medicine? Dude, people are going to die. This is unsafe! Are you an idiot or something? And you’re going to sell this for how much?

If the Rhinos find out how we are selling it for they might lose their minds. $75,000/kg for a Rhino horn is insane. I have a bag full of fingernails that is worth at least $20,000. I can just say it’s cut up for easy swallowing purposes and watch some of these dicks choke on on my pink nail.

It is legal to hunt Rhinos for sport since 1968 in South Africa, when their numbers were already dwindling. Now you can say we do that to the deer, but the deer seems to bang their numbers back up. Rhinos on the other hand don’t get a chance to. Considering poachers shoot them while their on a date stomping out a fire together. Not only is this ruining the chances of a second date for a Rhino, but these guys have totally cock blocked them for a little post fire mating session.

So it’s come down to one male white rhino left with his horn cut off too save him and have 24-hour Armed Guards to protect him. This Rhino has now officially become more important than the president. Perhaps that’s what it is, jealousy. Jealousy over the fact that this Rhino is more powerful, more respected and worth more than the South African president. So of course he’s going to want to have them all killed. Jealousy one of humanity’s worst emotions and now it’s affecting other animals on planet.

Eventually he can mate with one of 3 females in the conservatory and bring the species number back up. But the question is should we bring the species if we are just going to start hunting them again? Or do they just live in captivity to make sure they actually survive? Either way isn’t a good way for a Rhino to live. This is a creature that has been around 15,000 years and has seniority over us in terms of evolution. There needs to be a change in laws and more severe punishment for poachers. Sure we can fine them and put them in prison but if we disarm the man and get a Rhino enraged and put them in a Thunderdome style situation, and see who survives then. You can see what an animal that has been around for a lot longer than us can really do when it’s fight with no weapons.