Fighting Islamaphobia

Commentary by Comedian Krish Mohan

Islamaphobia is running rampant. Not only America. But all across the world.

We’ve seen propaganda about how a 14 year old boy wants to build a bomb to kill a school and how mosques are spreading Shariah Law across the nation and bringing terrorism to the nation. In that case, does a church being built in your neighborhood mean that they are bringing Biblical Law? Why is that any better? Monotheistic religions are basically the same at the root of it all. Be good to your fellow brothers and sisters, don’t kill people, bitches always be talking; am I right prophets?

Islam formalized and organized in 600 CE. At this point they’re going their teenage years as far as religions are concerned. And when a teenager is met with anger and rage they return it 10-fold. If you’ve ever told a teen that they can’t take the car out, they lose their minds and say how much they hate you and they’re just going to disappear and burn the car to the ground! Rather than that, how about trying to understand what’s happening in the hormonally religious people trying to figure out how to adapt to the modern world.

The problem is this fear comes from not knowing what the nation of Islam has actually brought to the modern world. They’ve brought some of the most notable things we use everyday. And if we all knew about this, we could start appreciating people of the Islamic faith a little more.

Surgery: Abu al-Quasim al-Zahrawi was one of the first people to compile an encyclopedia of medicine and surgery with illustrations in 1000 CE. So even illiterate people could learn how to perform a heart transplant. His 300 page book went through military medicine, urology, gynecology, orthopedics, Ear, Nose and Throat medicine, and even dentistry! This spread all through Europe and was translated into French and Latin.

So, if you think that Islam is all about terrorism, remember that means so are doctors because they are probably using a modern variation of techniques in al-Zahrawi’s book. Using phobic-logic means all doctors are using terroristic knowledge to try and help you! If you’re really Islamaphobic and you even need a filling done, you can’t do it, because you’re a patriot and stand for American values of rotting teeth.

University: Fatima al-Fihiri, a young girl, is credited in creating the first University in the 800s CE. Fatima’s father built himself up from the ground and became a successful businessman, which is basically the American dream. After her father passed away she was left with quite the inheritance and noticed a rise in the number of mosques. So she decided to turn Al-Qarawiyyin Mosque into a University. Her idea was to get people educated and share their knowledge with each other. She spread this idea all through the region. Today, universities continue Fatima’s tradition of learning and spreading knowledge to benefit mankind.

So if you want to attend an university and are claiming Shariah Law is coming America, apparently it’s been here for years and you just wrote an essay to attend it! You’re also taking out loans and getting in debt for it. For shame! How dare the Muslim community put you in….wait…

Fatima allowed Muslims and Non-Muslims alike. In today’s world if you don’t have the cash you can’t get an education. This means the current education system is set up pre-800 CE. Fatima’s colleges produced some of best literary minds of the day, while today’s colleges produce some of world’s biggest douchebags who claim they do what they want because they’re legacies.

Toothbrush: The Miswaak is an all natural toothbrush that was popularized by Prophet Mohamed himself! He wanted you to brush your teeth when you woke up, before praying, before visiting someone’s house, before bed and just anytime your breath was stinky. Now it sounds like the Prophet might have had some OCD issues, but this practice probably saved the lives of countless people. Less tooth decay meant you could eat more solids well into your old age.

The Miswaak was made from the bark and root of the Arak tree, which naturally contains fluoride, vitamin C, sodium bicarbonate, calcium and a ton of other things that are good for your body. The people of 600 CE were healthier than we were today! They didn’t fear that fluoride had tracking systems in them so the government can figure where you are. They were more concerned about making sure they could continue eating into their old age.

So, if you want to hate on the Muslims you’ll have to give up your Colgate 360 with the flosser built into the bristles and just let that tartar build up on your hateful mouth. You can’t brush your teeth if you support the Red, White & Blue. 4 out of 5 dentists will agree on that, and the 5th one is clearly racist.

These are just a few things that the Muslim community have brought to modern society. These are things we use everyday. So the appropriate thing to do is go up to an Islamic person and say, “Thanks for helping us become a better society.” High five them and move on with your day.