The Dispatch! The Manning Revolution


Chelsea Manning is running for the Democratic Seat for Senate in the State of Maryland! This is exciting! Now the Democrats already have a candidate for the Senate in Maryland, Benjamin L. Cardin. If you’re wondering who that is. I am too. But he’s been in the Senate since the early 2000s and this is the first time we’re hearing about him. He’s probably one of those old school Senators that just figured out how to use email and he thinks that if leaves office the magical electronic mail machine will disappear into the ether. I bet every time he sends an email he puts a stamp on his computer.

This should be a clear cut decision for the Democrats here on who to vote for. And I’m not saying that we should vote for Chelsea Manning because she put her life at risk to do what was right and reveal the crimes committed by the U.S. military. I do agree that she should be considered a hero. That’s not why this is an easy decision. It’s because the Democrats play Identity Politics so hard that if you didn’t vote for her, they’re going to lose in the next Presidential Election. Chelsea is a Transgender woman! That checks of 2 boxes for them. Finally a woman that’s actually worth voting instead War Criminals they tote out in front of us each campaign! A shiester in a gold pantsuit is still a shiester!

Obviously I don’t think you should vote for Chelsea Manning just because she’s Transgendered or a woman. You should vote for Chelsea Manning because she’s a candidate that gives a damn. She’s passionate about her beliefs of Free Speech, Equality, Security and Privacy. She cares about the people and isn’t beholden to some corporation or special interest. There are people that consider her a traitor and use the wrong pronoun for her. Which is going to make this a difficult battle for the campaign, considering if she wins she will be their voice too. That amount hatred from one side of your constituency is enough to make someone schizophrenic!

But this is probably the first time that young people in Maryland can be excited about a candidate running for Senate. And it’s clear that Manning is talking to the younger generation. Her campaign slogan is We Got This. Clear, quick and simple! There are emojis and rainbows on her campaign! That’s how these kids talk these days! Some could call emojis cultural appropriation of Heiroglyphics and Egyptian culture, but we don’t have time to think about history that goes that far back. Plus she’s dressed like a H&M catalog is going to prom with an AFI concert, what more do these kids want?! It’s Panic! At the Disco meets BlackBloc, if that doesn’t get the youth excited we’re truly done for.

The old ways are headed out. It’s getting harder and harder for the 2 party system to delay progress. People will get empowered and we will get educated. And ol’ Grandpa Benjamin will be yelling on the front lawn about how these damn kids our revolutions. Maybe this will wake up the Democratic Party and change it from within.


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