The Dispatch! Lies, Spies & Torture Programs!

Dick Cheney recently came out and said that we shouldn’t get rid of torture programs but rather learn from them. In other news Satan still thinks God is kind of a dick.

Cheney also says that what most people consider torture isn’t. Cheney calls that therapy. These folks that have been tortured know so much about Cheney that he has to keep them imprisoned! If those secrets get out then we will know where Cheney hid the doomsday device, aka his original heart.

The real bitch of the situation is that the folks that get waterboarded are getting fresher water than the people of Flint. That’s like double torture to someone with a moral compass. Which is another reason Cheney and the new CIA director Gina Hasbel, want to keep torture programs in place. If they got rid of them they’d have to give we the people basic needs like water…to drink.  Our lack of rights is basically part of the torture program.

Also it’s cute they call it a program like its summer camp to mentally and physically break people to keep Cheney’s smile going. They all make macaroni sculptures that say ‘help me’! And the swimming class is…you guessed it…waterboarding. 2 waterboarding jokes in a row Krish? Yeah. I’ll put as many waterboarding jokes in a row as there a torture victims of waterboarding.

And speaking of our missing rights, the NSA says it will increase the warrantless wiretapping program. The Office Of the Director of National Intelligence’s civil liberties officer, Alex Joel says they don’t plan on changing the way they collect data.

Ok I know a bunch of you guys are surprised that anything dealing with the NSA even knows what civil liberties is! Alex Joel is either highest paid Galaga player in existence or he’s trying to get the wiretapping within the 4th Amendment. Alex Joel might be a very tired man.  A man that cries himself to sleep because of the chronic bullying from the system. Another victim of its torture.

But there is some light in the darkness. Michigan is the first state to push back against the NSAs warrantless wiretapping by requiring a warrant! We finally got to some no brainer legislation after 5 years of The Snowden revelations! Finally Alex Joel gets a night of rest.  The bill is pushed forward by a Republican which goes to show that even some Republicans are against creating our own dystopian nightmare! And if the establishment of the NSA wants to continue this culture of mistrust and guilt under the guise of safety then they need to be public about the location of Cheney’s heart so we can stop him when we choose. If we’re going to have our rights hijacked then we need something in return.