It’s basically Santa Claus. I’m pretty sure Santa was an NSA agent with OCD. Spying on kids and their parents. Making lists and checking it constantly. I know it says he checked it twice but you know he’s always checking it like a maniac. And when the economy turned in 2008 the NSA had to make the hard cuts and they had to let Santa go like he let himself go over the years.
But it’s fine! The NSA found camera phones! Remember how everyone laughed at the camera phones. The photos were always so crappy and junky. And then all of a sudden cell phone photography was like professional grade. Most phones are purchased because of how many Megapixels it’s camera has. And I bet the average consumer doesn’t even know what a Megapixel is!
“YEAH I do! It’s like a regular pixel but like way bigger!”
You might also remember that Edward Snowden warned us about the NSA and how they were collecting our phone data. Using apps, call logs, cameras, they made our consumer goods into the Panopticon and we were none the wiser. Now we’re on a best behavior because the NSA could be listening and if we were bad and dissent against their unauthorized spying we don’t get Christmas this year! They will wage a LITERAL war on Christmas instead of a bullshit, fake ideological one.
Our privacy is bought and sold like this country is a huge pawn shop of data! And because of this idea of the Panopticon we don’t really have moments of privacy. Without private moments we as people can’t discover who we really are. Human beings are social creatures. We need to interact with each other, but in those private moments we get to self reflect, recharge and grow as people.
Eric Schmidt of Google makes the claim that the only people that want privacy are those that have something to hide! And Mark Zuckerberg claims that privacy is no longer the norm.
Ok, so if we’ve got nothing to hide then it should be fine to stand at a street corner and just jack off all day. Hey why would that guy or gal want to hide their junk if there’s NOTHING to hide! If we don’t need to private spaces to masturbate, our streets should be running wild with spunk.
What about surprise birthday parties? Does Eric Schmidt and Zuckerberg think that surprise parties are plots against them! If that’s the case, I don’t think you’re mentally well enough to run a giant tech company. You just hand it over to the people and we’ll take of the company for you while you take care of what you need…oh wait you don’t believe in that so we’ll watch you take care of yourself.
The counterargument to our lack of privacy is that this should force our government to be less private about it’s dealings! They should be more open and some can say that’s exactly what the Trump administration is! Trump’s administration is basically the boldness of the government because of the lack luster response from us about the privacy issue!
With Trump spewing rhetoric like ‘shithole’ countries it’s very clear that they’re anti-immigration. The Stormy Daniels story reveals how anti-family they are. Scott Pruit, a man that has sued the EPA, now running the EPA proves that they’re anti-climate! And with this surge of data mining it proves that they are trying to keep us dumb, scared and buying shit! They’re not doing this behind closed doors. It’s out in open and it’s acted on very quickly!
As Glenn Greenwald states, being watched all the time means you follow the mandate of social orthodoxy. The loss of privacy is the start of totalitarianism! It’s the eradication of freedom. This mass surveillance state creates a prison of the mind. Which means they’re trying to make money for the Prison Industrial Complex with our brains! This is extra super villainy shit!
And even your mind isn’t a place where you can have your own private thoughts, because God might be watching. God is like OG NSA! And yes, God has watched you eat, sleep, shower, make love, masturbate, cry and basically everything you’ve done. God might need help…or a hobby. Go make another universe God. Let us be for a while.
At this point we’ve submitted to the Panopticon of Technology! We submitted to it when we called Edward Snowden a traitor instead of a hero; when Cambridge Analytica was able to use our own fears against us and open the doors other companies doing the same thing; when Google, Facebook and Apple are selling our information to highest bidder for more control; when Congress cuddled with tech giants instead of imposing restrictions; and when we let law enforcement into the digital landscape of our lives.
We’ve been sitting still on this matter for far too long. Our chains are beginning to rust. We don’t need to be silent or still about this issue any more. With all that’s happened we should be ready to take back the Internet. Something Edward Snowden called a tool for Democratization! And since our privacy has been taken away, lets say fuck all to the social orthodoxy and very loudly and publicly say we want our privacy back. We want the right to think for ourselves and have a moment of peace by giving this administration, the NSA, Congress and all the power hungry megalomaniacs none of it.
Krish Mohan is a socially conscious, Indian standup comedian and writer who regularly tours the country. He performs at small theaters, bars, comedy clubs, colleges, DIY and house venues. With his quirky attitude, charming personality, and intelligent humor, Krish captivates and engages audiences of all backgrounds, tackling hot button topics like race, religion, war, immigration, while adding an optimistic, philosophical & sociological twist!