We start today with the Supreme Court so this episode should be as light as a Nonfat Pumpkin Spice Latte without whip cream and saying “Happy Holidays” to make sure you don’t incur the wrath of the PC Police. At current the faith we have in the Supreme Court is shook like a Shake weight without the fun sexual innuendos but rather real sexual allegations. With the recent induction of Brett Kavanaugh to the Court we have to wonder if the court can make a logical decision on issues dealing with immigrants, women, and anything that doesn’t have to do with the amount of beer one can drink at a party.
Ok to get everyone up to speed, just in case some folks are unaware or for any time travellers that just landed in our decade. Brett Kavanaugh is the Conservative Judge that was accused of sexual assault by Dr. Ford who recounted how he tried to rape her 36 years ago. This was brought up in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee only to be turned into a circus by everyone involved.
During his defense Kavanaugh was aggressive to Senators, pushed conspiracy theories, and got defensive about the amount of beers he can drink. His biggest defense to prove his innocence was a calendar with his activities written on it. If this was going to be admissible evidence a lot of criminals going to get away with things by buying a planner. “See here your honor, I had a planned to sit alone in a dark room, crying to myself about my failures. Boom! Innocence proved! Why would someone write it on a calendar and not do it! That is a promise kept in a box attributed to help us understand the passage of our lives through the endless void of space! You shouldn’t take that lightly.”
Eventually the end of this came when Kavanaugh was inducted onto the Supreme Court and now 2 lives have actively been ruined because of this trial which includes the inability of one man to admit that he could’ve done something wrong, apologize and try to move on. And now we’re left wondering whether the highest court in the land can be logical, ethical and make decisions that benefit the people. Well after Citizens United, which granted corporations the ability to fund campaigns, we should’ve been asking this question anyway.
I’m just worried that Kavanaugh is going to freak out when Justice Ginsberg and Kagel disagree with him. He just starts screaming “You’re a bitch Bader! Don’t you ever question me or my rulings! I’m a Big Boy that drinks Big Beers! No question! I wrote it in my calendar today that I was going to win and my calendar has never been wrong! It got me this job!” It’s going to be a sad day when a Justice writes his dissent in all caps.
This administration is on a Game of Thrones level killing spree of institutions in place. Supreme Court, Presidencies, Civility, Executive Orders are all coming into questions based on the actions of this administration. And we have to question the power and nature of Executive Orders with Trump’s recent attack on the Fourteenth Amendment and Birthright Citizenship.
Trump claims America is the only country that has this and it means that these kids will be suckling at the tits of the government for 85 years. Ok, first of all what benefits are you talking about? If you’re a mix kid that’s born in the States you get to be an outcast of 2 groups. You’re constantly attacked by the Americans that are bred by Imperialist Exceptionalism and the culture your ancestors come from for not being ethnic enough. Where are these benefits?
I don’t see a lot of parades for First Generation Children of Immigrants. They don’t get parades or free stickers or any kind of celebration! They don’t even a have month! Mostly because Brett Kavanaugh is now hoarding the rest of the 11 months for himself to prove his innocence for all other alleged crimes he might have committed. I really think we might be 3 steps away from the Supreme Court having to rule on whether or not a person can copyright dates on a Calendar.
Again I have to ask, what benefits are these kids getting? Is it healthcare, because people can’t afford the medicine they need in this country and are dying because pharmaceutical companies are deregulated and price gouging for sake of greed. I mean if they wanted healthcare they could go to Canada, Sweden, Denmark, the UK, Syria before American Interventionism found it like a stereotypical white girl sniffs out Pumpkin Spice for the Holidays.
Is it education? Because colleges are so expensive that we have to get 2-3 just survive the debt. Not only that because we can’t and don’t talk about the mental health effects of unfettered Capitalism children in dire straights are getting more desperate and violent and schools are becoming battlegrounds. Again for American Interventionism this is great! So I have to ask what benefits are these kids really getting?
And 85 years seems like an oddly specific number. What happens to the immigrants after 85 years? What are you planning to do to them Donny? We need answers! To the larger point, America isn’t the only country that has Birthright Citizenship. It would be interesting if other nations were a bit more mature and realize that pledging allegiance to a nation creates issues of racial divide and unnecessary nationalism and borders aren’t really necessary. Unless of course you’re are trying to assert dominance via longitude and latitudes.
Or it would just be a bunch of countries shipping of kids into the sea because they didn’t pass the test to be an uber patriot of the nation and had a few questions. Does Trump think that’s how the rest of the world works? That there’s some Lord of Flies Island hidden to the eyes of Nationalistic Adults who don’t have imagination in their hearts? I am so fascinated by what he believes other countries have been to do about their citizens. Or this is proof that he’s got dementia and he should seek help!
There are over 30 countries that currently have Birthright Citizenship in place. Places like Canada, Brazil, Venezuela, Fiji, which yes, is a country and not just a stop on a cruise for obese rich people or a water drank in unholy square bottles. Pakistan is also on this list! PAKISTAN! A country that most Trump supporters think is a sandbox has Birthright Citizenship! Are you saying America is less open minded than Pakistan? Is that what we want to be known as; less progressive than Pakistan?
Ok, so what’s big deal with the Fourteenth Amendment and why are we bringing this up now? The Fourteenth Amendment states: All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.
The reason why we have this Amendment goes to the story of Dredd Scott. Now this may sound like the tall tale of Space Faring Pirate, but it’s actually a story of a former slave that was instrumental in rethinking civil rights. Scott was a Slave in St. Louis who went up to Minnesota with his master. He found out that the black people were free in Minnesota. They figured it was too cold up there to continue the chill of hatred based on skin color. Besides once there’s a foot of snow and the temperatures drop everyone is one color…blue.
And thanks to the Fourteenth Amendment no black person ever will. Because it granted them citizenship and therefore the rights of a citizen of the nation. It was done by writing “No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law”
Dredd Scott’s case shone a light on the cracks, wrinkles and warts on the face of the justice system. I mean Lady Justice didn’t know what she looked like because she had a blindfold over her face. Unfortunately at this point Lady Justice has been beer bonging out of depression since November 9, 2016.
If you don’t know the Anchor Baby argument, it’s an amazing fear mongering technique that Jeb Bush, Ted Cruz, Donald Trump and various members of the Republican leadership have used where 2 immigrants have unholy, ungodly, unprotected sex. They then get knocked up and cross the border and have a baby on American soil, spilling Mexican placenta everywhere. The child then becomes a citizen and is a sleeper agent for Mexico’s domination over all jobs. Then the placenta creates more Mexicans from America dirt and deports an American Citizen to let’s say Cuba. It’s Diabolical.
But that is the fear. There are over 11 million undocumented people in this country that came into the States. A lot of them work menial jobs that nobody wants for almost nothing. But those could be Americans working those jobs. Those could be Poor Americans the elites can enslave through wage theft! And these people have kids and the Republicans will want to split up those families! All of sudden the whole world is screaming about civil rights and all the Republicans want to do is correct what Abraham Lincoln fucked up and trick people into a new form slavery.
Trump’s statements are about revoking the Fourteenth Amendment all together using an Executive Order. He wants to retcon an Amendment! Which look it’s going to screw up the number system in the Constitution and that isn’t going to do any favors for the relationship between America and Math. America’s on thin ice as is with refusal to use the metric system.
Trump wants to get rid of the Amendment using an Executive Order. Now King Republican and Champion of All Blind Corn Eating Contests, Paul Ryan has said he doesn’t agree with the President because he’s a defender of the Constitution. Which goes to show, Paul Ryan is a stronger defender of a piece of paper than he is a piece of human & civil rights that paper grants. But he does bring up a good question about whether the President can undo an Amendment using an Executive Order?
Now we have to explore what exactly an Executive Order is. This is a directive from the President that tells the federal government how to act and is directed as a law. This has been incredibly controversial as it’s supposed to be used when President’s can’t get legislation passed by Congress and are forced to act otherwise, but in turn makes them look dictatorial. The language of the Constitutional clause that grants Presidents this power is vague at best, but Executive Orders can’t go against Constitutional rulings, such as Amendments.
Some of of the more famous Executive Orders include Obama’s DACA order, FDR’s order to put the Japanese in internment camps, Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation and lesser known fact about Lyndon B Johnson’s order to push for pantless weekdays at the White House. He didn’t get that through because it was deemed Unconstitutional. So far Trump has only used 87 Executive Orders in 2 years. Most modern Presidents have over 200, like Woodrow Wilson who had over 1800. I know, it’s early yet. If he breaks FDR’s record of over 3000 in the next year we can give him a medal that says “This is not how you win a father’s love”.
Now based on the very nature of Executive Orders, the Trump Administration can’t use that power to undo an Amendment. Because demolishing the Constitution is the definition of Unconstitutional. I shouldn’t have to say that sentence out loud but logic seems to be a privilege in today’s political climate. So I share my privilege with the world.
One of the ways you can fight back against an Executive Order is via Congress and the Supreme Court. The Supreme Court revoked 5 of FDR’s orders and Congress has definitely pushed against Obama’s DACA order. So there is a nightlight somewhere in the tunnel, we’re just not sure where it is. But these are also 2 institutions whose legitimacy has come into question recently. As much as Paul Ryan likes to show that he’s tough with how many push ups he does and how well he fuck over Poor America, he hasn’t taken any action to confront Trump on his rulings. And with 2 Trump loyalists in the Supreme Court that abide by what he wants, if something leads to Amendments being erased by an Executive Order, the authoritarian cracks will break through.
Now the argument of Birthright is really about undocumented immigrants. The simple answer to me is clear the slate. Get it back to zero by offer these folks Amnesty and allowing them the process to get their Green Card and so on. They’re already here. And the system they would’ve had to go through is complex, broken and lacks compassion so they did what they had to come here.
If there are over 11 million people that came into your country illegally, don’t you think the question should be why they’d do that? What’s wrong with the process that they can trust a country to take in migrants who are in trouble. The real issue with the downfall of these institutions is that they’re not going without a fight. This Executive Order has exposed ANOTHER boil in a body riddled with cancer and it’s using Immigrants as a scapegoat to keep itself alive.
Perhaps by digging deeper we will reveal more answers about a history this country is trying to forget. By the way, Forgetting was an Executive Order George Bush put forward by make the actions of past Presidents unavailable to the public. This country has been Beer Bonging it’s History since the Declaration was written. So it’s not a surprise that the institutions that held it in place are now coming into question and neither is it a surprise that we put a Big Boy drinking Big Beers in the Highest Court in the land.
Krish Mohan is a socially conscious, Indian standup comedian and writer who regularly tours the country. He performs at small theaters, bars, comedy clubs, colleges, DIY and house venues. With his quirky attitude, charming personality, and intelligent humor, Krish captivates and engages audiences of all backgrounds, tackling hot button topics like race, religion, war, immigration, while adding an optimistic, philosophical & sociological twist!