Democracy Dies In Front Of Our Eyes: A Recap of the Iowa Caucus [The Dispatch]

It used to be that if you wanted to bore your friends and family, you’d just say the words “Iowa Caucus” and they’d instantly fall asleep. Those words flash an image of the endless fields of corn and the elderly yelling about Anderson Cooper needing to trim his hippie hair! This year, for at least 24 straight hours, the Iowa Caucus was the most riveting thing in the world! This was due to the fact the caucus was thrown into chaos due to an App that was supposed to streamline the counting process. Despite this being a huge story that would very clearly show you the corruption and failure of our electoral process and the Democratic Party, we lost interest because the State of the Union!

The second we know that Donald Trump is going says that may or may not form a sentence, we forget everything that actually matters. And then the only thing we focus on the high school dramatics between Trump, Pence & Pelosi! After the State of the Union address the only thing the country could talk about Pelosi ripping up the script. Some called it bold. Some called it disrespectful. I call it staged and egotistical. It’s a distraction to veer us away from the real conversation of the bipartisan support of Imperialism and stealing our elections.

During the State of the Union, Trump gave a shining endorsement to Juan Guido, the false Imperial leader of Venezuela. The second his name was said, Pelosi stood up and cheered and applauded! Had the applause went on for even 10 seconds longer, she might thrown her underwear up to Juan Guido in solidarity of his false reign. Trump claimed that the problem in Venezuela is Nicolas Maduro and dictatorial reign, killing Democracy for sport and the Venezuelan people. This statement is wrong and foolish and so many levels. The election is Venezuela, where the people legally elected Maduro among at least 5 different political parties is rated to be far better and fairer than America’s! And no one’s even heard of Guido in Venezuela. If you’re going to interfere and criticize a country’s electoral process you should at least have a better one in your country!

The fact that the American Empire is critical of the Venezuelan elections when it can’t figure out how to make its elections work is laughable. For an entire week, Iowa was trying to figure out what the results of the caucus were! The major problem with the Iowa Caucus is the app that was used to make the reporting process easier for the precincts. That would be crosschecked with the counts and images to ensure that were no inconsistencies. BUT because the app was crashing every time results were being entered or not registering the results, there were large amounts of inconsistencies showing 3 different results. I’m pretty sure one of the results said George McGovern won Iowa!

Results were delayed for days and the missing results were from precincts where Bernie Sanders was polling very well! And that’s no surprise because the Bernie camp collected all their data and projected Bernie won by 5%. Now I get it, it’s biased to Bernie because it’s his camp, but it did line up with the small amount of results that were being projected. Now Bernie and his campaign did not say they won on Monday night … even though they did. They were waiting for the official results to come out! It’s like when you know your friend is Gay. You don’t pull them out of the closet, you respectfully wait and then when they finally come out, you say “cool, let’s go get ice cream and dish about which boys we think are cute!”

I wish all the candidates had this level of gravitas though. At 11:34pm on Monday night Mayor Pete tweet out the following statement: “Iowa, you have shocked the nation. By all indications, we are going on to New Hampshire victorious. #IowaCaucuses” Which indications? The small of reports that had come out at that point didn’t show Mayor Pete winning. Some projections had him as low as 3rd! I mean sure bronze does get to stand with the winners, but it doesn’t mean you won! The only thing that’s shocking is how bold liars like the DNC & Mayor Pete have become. Now there’s a reason why this is a big deal! Mayor Pete’s campaign made a hefty investment in the app that was used in the Iowa Caucus.

The app, very aptly named Shadow, Inc., was developed by 2 former DNC campaign managers. And really, that’s what you decide to name it? Who came up with that? A marketing firm named ‘Irony LLC’?! Shadow Inc, sounds like America just corporatized darkness! Washington Post was right, Democracy does die in the Dark! The Democratic Party hacks created Shadow to kill the Democratic Process right in front of our eyes and pretend it was in the shadows with wordplay! Maybe WaPo was trying to confess and we just didn’t get it! Shadow’s tagline is “When a light is shining, Shadows are a constant companion”. What horror movie did you guys steal that from! This is what ultra religious serial killers to say to their victims before they eat their eyes!

Now Mayor Pete’s campaign threw down close to $43k on the app for “security and subscription services”, which according to them means they were just trying to contact voters through the app. That’s like Biden saying he sniffs the head of children because he’s a big fan of Jimmy Johns and their free smells policy! Not only that but a major funder to Mayor Pete is a financier of Shadow! Billionaire Seth Klareman, a pro-Israeli settlement businessman, who has directly funded Mayor Pete’s campaign, also funded the development of the app that has thrown the mild-mannered state of Iowa into chaos.

But Seth Klareman isn’t the only billionaire backing up Mayor Pete’s campaign! The Mayor from South Bend has about 40 billionaires and their spouses that have supported him financially and 13 of them give him money directly. You know with all these candidates that take billionaires money, I have to wonder…do billionaire’s genitals taste better than that of the Middle Class? It’s literally the billion dollar question. I’d like to make a new rule. If you take more than 1 billionaire’s money, then you can’t ask the American Middle Class to help your campaign. You either represent the real Americans or the billionaire class that exploit us.

After his fake victory speech, Mayor Pete took to twitter again and said “Right off the stage here in Iowa. Incredible night, incredible result, and such phenomenal energy here. We are headed to New Hampshire victorious, and now we gotta build for the next phase.” And then Pete asked us for money to get us to the next stage. Why would you pay someone to lie to constantly! That’s the status quo promise of NeoLiberals like Mayor Pete! It’s not to stand for the American People, but ensure we think we’re voting for our interests only to have them backfire on us with blatant lies and deception. Democracy isn’t dying in the dark, it’s dying right it front of our eyes in the daylight, we just need to keep our eyes open to see it!

But the billionaires aren’t the only ones that putting their chips in the Pete basket. A variety for CIA directors and spooks as well as defenders of the Patriot Act and members of the USAID have put their backing into the Mayor. As the Grayzone reported David S. Cohen, the former CIA Director under Obama and Bush Era Treasury official, has endorsed Mayor Pete. Cohen has been nicknamed “The Sanction Guru” because he orchestrated the plans to put sanctions on Iran, Russia and North Korea, apparently while doing hot yoga in the briefing room! And if we remember that USAID is known to fund coups in various countries that have led to a ton of violence and over throwing legally elected governments! They are behind pushing Juan Guido’s false presidency and funding his political opposition, which included acts of “protest” such as Guido mooning Venzuelans!

So why are all these champions of Regime Change and Coups putting their support behind Mayor Pete? Many independent journalists have reported the lack of a foreign policy plan from Mayor Pete, despite him being a Navy veteran. So he’s a blank slate for the regime change foreign policies of the Empire! Because Mayor Pete doesn’t have a real strong foreign policy plan, these for CIA spooks, directors of regime change and member of the USAID and World Bank support him to keep the Empire running as they need to it. To use Economic Sanctions as warfare to cripple countries who’s resources we have deemed is ours like a global manifest destiny! Mayor Pete is the blank slate of NeoLiberal Imperialism that will smile and wave into the camera as needed! He’s as empty as his victory in Iowa!

From calling his own victory without any results and the backing of the Empire’s Top Regime Change officials & the billionaire class, the South Bend mayor has earned the nickname “Mayor Pete Guido”. And is this really who we want to leading the country? Someone who is just as impetus if not more than Donald Trump? I mean he called out his own victory without any results…on twitter! That’s the Trumpiest thing you could do! The Indiana Mayor is proving that he’s a mix of Trumpian impatience and Pencian Imperialistic bootlicking. He effectively tried to regime change the Iowa Caucus! If this is how he’s treating Iowa, imagine how’s he going to treat the rest of the world? What if he decides that he’s the Czar of Iran, announces on a Instagram and causes an international incident? That’s not Presidential, it’s objectively idiotic!

This Shadow app is showing that the Democratic Party doesn’t care about running a legal and fair election but rather an election they can hack and determine the election, making a sham out of the Democratic Process. The Des Moines Register said that this app was a potential target for election interference. And they’re right, but not by Russia or something out of spy movie, but rather by the Democratic Establishment Elites. In fact the Director of Homeland Security’s Cyber division said Shadow wasn’t secure and shouldn’t be used for electoral purposes! And it had failed the stress test! During the test the app started crying and then called everyone’s mom a stupid bitch! Which is uncalled for even when you’re under stress. Don’t bring my mom into this asshole!

Matt Blaze, the professor of Computer Science & IT at Georgetown University, said there are too many problems with app based tallying. Aside from the security issue, it depends on the network, the connectivity and the phone of the user! Rest assured that Android users will NOT be able to use the app properly and Apple will definitely charge you $1.99. For that price it better be able to fund universal healthcare! And in Iowa there’s definitely going to be network issues! A few years back I was in Colfax, IA, which is about 30 minutes outside of Des Moines, and couldn’t connect to the internet to save my life! I couldn’t load Facebook let alone porn! There must be a lot of sexually repressed teenagers in Colfax! If people are giving up on buffering porn, what makes you think they’ll wait patiently to vote or tally digitally!

And when there were complaints and issues with the Shadow App, the developers said it was a reporting issue, not a hack or a security breach! In other words, it’s working as it should and this reporting issue that it’s not giving them the fabricated numbers they want to see. This app is disastrous is more ways than one. Mayor Pete Guido gaffed and claimed himself victorious because the app that his campaign and billionaire backers paid for was going to make sure that he would win. But had Bernie won they’d claim the security of the app was jeopardized and Russia has Red Dawned our voting system!

And that’s kinda what exactly happened. At 97% reporting, Bernie Sanders was leading Mayor Pete Guido by roughly 2500 voters! Eventually the reports show that Sanders beat Pete Guiado by 6000 voters! So because of this Senator Sanders declared his victory from New Hampshire! But DNC chairman Tom Perez claimed that they need to “recanvass “ “to assure the public’s trust”! Well maybe if you didn’t rob Bernie Sanders of the primary in 2016 and then in 2020 try use an untested, unsecure app that was paid for by billionaires and a neoliberal, pro-regime change blank slate candidate, we’d trust you a little more Perez!

And not only that, there were reports, specifically from Black Hawk county, where Bernie won, about 7% of his votes were just given to Deval Patrick, the former Massachusetts governor, who nobody knows is even running! Listen DNC, this is not how Socialism works. We’re not sharing votes here! Maybe you shouldn’t try to use something you don’t understand. Don’t try use socialism or … Democracy. Just sit in the corner quietly with a dunce cap on and recite the numbers in order to prove to everyone that you don’t get stressed out by basic counting.

Eventually the Democrats gave the votes back to Bernie, and pretended like that didn’t happen at all. The Democratic Party and their Establishment Elites are starting to sound like an abusive ex, that claims they’ll change but then burns a portion of the house down…AGAIN! Fool us once, shame on us, fool us twice the revolution will redistribute YOUR wealth first, Perez! Get who’s getting healthcare for Christmas? It’s the American people because it’s what we deserve!

And the Establishment fears a Bernie victory. Shadow was developed by former Clinton & Obama Staffers, funded by billionaires that back Centrist candidates, and none of these people will be hired to work in any capacity in a Sanders administration. The circle jerk, revolving door of nepotism and neoliberalism will be blocked when Bernie Sanders becomes President. And not only that, but at this point the animosity between the Bernie campaign and the DNC is at an all time high because as I mentioned earlier, the Sanders camp ran their own numbers with their own app, which worked better! And when they were only reporting 60% of the results, it put Bernie in the lead.

But the caucus process itself is a huge mess and it’s related to arbitrary math! Despite having a 6000 voter lead, Sanders is behind by .1% of the delegates, somehow. So the way the way the delegate process works is that you take the number of people that want to vote for the candidate and multiply that number of delegates and then divide that by the total number of people in the caucus and that’ll give you how many delegates each candidates gets in that precinct. If that sounds like mildly insane and a misuse of Math, you’re correct.

The notion of a caucus is not an actual vote, but rather saying who you’d vote for. It’s a popularity contest, because when you want a functioning Democracy you should pick the popular cool kids and not the most qualified candidate for the job!  But in this case, the popular candidate is the most qualified candidate. Honestly I’ve seen High School Proms vote more efficiently than the Democratic Party. The number of delegates are chosen at random, the math is random and the functionality of the app to streamline is also random. America doesn’t have a fair election. We a gamified one. And the cards are all stacked against anyone that wants to support we the people.